Aspie (2018)

Aspie is considered my very first painting. At least, if we set aside the two I painted as a teenager before they were destroyed. I wanted to bring back a character I used to draw over and over again when I was young. A little one-eyed extraterrestrial of whom I have no photographs left—only the memory. I named her Aspie, because I had just received my official diagnosis of Asperger's autism. On the first night, I painted her with great care. The next day, something inside me froze. I was afraid of ruining something I thought was beautiful. So I did the exact opposite. I deliberately smeared paint all over the canvas, as if to break free from my obsession with controlling every detail. It was in front of this painting that I realized painting was never meant to be a search for perfection. It was a place of freedom. Aspie still carries the marks of the moment I decided to make peace with imperfection.